Yes…I know…it’s been awhile since I’ve posted. It’s hard to post about slipcover’s and home decor when you feel like your life is falling apart at the seams. It has been one of the hardest year’s of my life. It’s still working itself out…but I feel more positive about it. I truly believe in the mid-life crisis. I’m 44. My children are much more independent and don’t need me as much as they did. It’s a shedding of the toddler mom and learning how to become the pre-teen / teen mom. It’s a shedding of the 20 something newly wed and learning how to be the 44 year old wife. It’s hard. I’m not going into full detail about what’s gone on except that we’re all working through it. It’s starting to come out better on the other side. I read this article from Psychology Today entitled “What a female Mid-Life crisis looks like,” This excerpt explained exactly how I was feeling:
“Above all, don’t let people tell you that you have no right to be unhappy with your life. It is okay to lose your equilibrium when others think your life should be smooth sailing. It is okay to question your life’s purpose. It’s okay to say, “I don’t know who I am.” It is better to ask the questions and seek the answers than to live a numb life.Sometimes you have to lose yourself to find yourself. Some call this a mid-life crisis; I call it the Heroine’s Journey.”
I just thought if one more person told me “you have a good life.” “why can’t you be grateful?” I thought I might hit them in the face with a chair. So…I haven’t arrived, but that’s OK. It is real and if you’re going through it, you are not crazy. Be your own Heroine.
Heather @ we.are.the.holdens says
Just wanted you to know I'm 34yrs old and I so “get this”. I get the part about your kids and their independency. Mine are all 9-12 and I sometimes find myself saying what now? I think the evaluation and the asking of questions will always keep us at a place of growth and moving forward. It's when we stop that things become stagnant and unchanged. Love how you reference it to a Heroine's Journey. I'm walking it with you. Love your blog and glad you posted.:)
Kristi~The Slipcover Girl says
Heather, it's so nice to know i'm not walking it alone. Thanks for your encouragement!
I big puffy heart love you! No matter what, I'll be with you every step of the way, takin' names & all that good stuff. A heroine's journey is for real, we all take it – only the brave ask for help along the way.
Kristi~The Slipcover Girl says
I love you Carrie and I'm grateful for your friendship! Thanks for walking with me.
I'm not going through a mid-life crisis, but you touched a spot in my heart today Heather. I know it was your last sentence that made me stop in my tracks…and was such an encouragement for anything I (or we) as women are going through…
Be your own Heroine…..super words for super women who don't feel so super…after all.
I have been there. Only you know what it's like to walk in your moccasins. It's not about being grateful; it's about being the best you can be. I hope you are afforded the time YOU need to work through this. (((((hug)))))
Kristi~The Slipcover Girl says
Thanks Cath! xo
OK, I'm only 26 but I know exactly how you could be feeling. Only in my case it wasn't a midlife crisis but a bought of depression.
Take care of yourself!
hopefully all is well with your marriage, that could be a life changer and very difficult. Learning to grow and change together can be a challenge.
Don't hit me in the face w/ a chair but… I am one of those women that believes you need to stay positive and look at your blessings. I've been fighting Sarcoma cancer for 5 years now, every year a new growth or treatment. I am also blessed with a wonderful husband and family that totally support me. Everyone has challenges in life, cancer is mine.
I hope you come out on the other side of this ordeal healed, happy and whole.
Change is good but change is often very hard. No one prepares a Mom for the changing roles. I went back to Corporate America for 10 years when my youngest went to middle school. We all have to travel our own path. I am finding a second challenge now all 3 have moved out to live their adult lives or attend school.
Enjoy little things, get outside and spend some time with nature and trust yourself. No need to justify your feelings to anyone. You feelings are real.
And keep on smiling. A smile on your face can keep the kids smiling too.
I have been there. Not knowing everything It's hard once you self becomes lost in the lives of everyone else. Then the day comes and it's like what happen. My son is 38 and has two kids. I'm just finding myself after looking for my true soul. You will find and hope will be happy. You are truely amazing lady. If I had half the talent you have I would be happy. Take each day and know you are cared for. B
Hi Kristi – I'll be sixty soon, so the lost days you are describing are behind me now (I hope). It's a tough thing to go through, that walk in the desert. But at the end of the day, probably necessary for growth. I understand in hindsight that for me, there was purpose in this state. Although I didn't recognize it at the time, I was re-evaluating, deconstructing and reconstructing a more authentic self. I'm happier now, have been for some time. And so, I encourage you to hold on tight and trust that you're doing exactly what you need to do and have faith that you'll not only survive this but but some day actually be grateful it happened.
Read this blog posting and you realize that most of us don't lead perfect lives nor do we have things go well all the time. I've learned to let go… http://raisingmyboys.visibli.com/share/ZxdAjc
Hope you get a kick out of it.
Thank you for your sage words and article link, it was just what I needed to read. I am 40, with two young-ish kids and feeling similarly “at sea”. I consider myself lucky to be able to complain about life through the use of comedy, because it invites less criticism about how I quote, shouldn't complain, unquote. I am with you sister, out here trying to keep my chin up and carry on this journey towards someplace calmer.
I suspect I have gone through something similar (I'm 52), though so many things were going on, who knows, lol. But you're right – no matter how 'perfect' your life seems to outsiders, none of us are in your shoes to experience what your feeling. You certainly do have a right to be happy and to figure out what you want to be/do at this or the next stage of your life. Sending prayers and good wishes your way that the journey gets easier …
So been/am there…thank you for the link and the post – We're all “in it” at some point!
Kristi – I'm 44 too. Just when I thought my life was perfect … “smack”, I went through 5 years of what was pretty near to hell on earth (with one of my sons)… but I had to keep a smile on my face and keep life around the house as normal as possible for the sake of my other children. Then having to deal with my spouse blaming me for being happy during such a difficult time. I wasn't happy, I was trying to keep my head above water for the sake of my other kids and for myself. Be a survivor. Enjoy every happy moment and every good day and don't expect it to be good the next (just be grateful and enjoy it when it is). Things are finally going well for us now, so I'm making the most of every happy moment and making up for lost time now – and grateful that we still have him and are able to catch up as a family. Hang in there – no matter what the issue is, you're not alone and you're not abnormal for having those feelings at all. Prayers and Best Wishes,
Amen to that sister!
I'm 53 and have been feeling lost. It's a hard thing to put into words. But I have a feeling from reading the above posts that I don't have to explain it. You all know it in one way or another. Yes, I'm blessed, but that doesn't mean I can't feel like I'm a drift.
I'm going back to read the link you posted-
You are not alone! Don't feel bad about feeling bad!
What a great descriptor: “The Heroine's Journey!” Yay! I just became proud of myself! Having been through more than one of those crises at various stages of my children's lives, I'm going through another at turning 60 and seeing my married children make decisions that I don't agree with. You just gave me a different way to look at it all. Thank you for sharing.
Remember, our children are just on loan to us and then we have to let them go. We are only here to guide and protect them until they are ready to enter the world as adults. Give yourself a pat on the back for the dedication to being a truly good mother. You are doing the most important job in the world… remind yourself of that. Also, get out there and do some volunteer work for whatever cause moves you. This always helps to put things into perspective and helps you see the many good things in your life that others do not have. One more thing… connect with nature!! Get outside and try to be in the moment more. Listen to the sounds of nature and take in it's beauty. All of this has worked for me and I'm 46.
Yup, I think we can all relate to this one way or another. I just turned 44 and I don't have kids – it's even wierder since everyone else our age has a family, and those without kids are much younger in their 20s – sometimes I honestly don't know where I fit in or where I'm headed.
Pink Overalls @DIY Home Staging says
You are my heroine! And obviously, your readers feel the same way. I am sure you are already a heroine to your friends and family. You might as well fall in line with the rest of us.
I'm 70, and I can say that the times in my life that were the sweetest, most meaningful, satisfying and memorable were not the times I had what most people consider essentials of the good life. I have confidence that you will choose the right things that make you happiest.
I hope that since you wrote this, some of the bumps in your road are in the rear view mirror.
And may I say, you are looking fabulous!
I agree, you are looking fabulous! Being your age, I understand exactly what you are saying. Our family went through a traumatic break-up three years ago that caused me to question everything. Donald Miller's book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years was a God send to me. It's about living a better story and it changed my outlook on life. Hang in there!
So sorry to hear of your challenges! I went through a very difficult breakup in my mid thirties. I didn't believe in divorce until the day I filed. There was in the end, no way to resolve our issues, and the only way I could describe it at the time was that I was living through my own death. It was devastating, even though it was my decision, but it was the right thing to do. Pay attention to your intuition. Get a good counselor, not because you “need help,” but because you “deserve support!”
I'm fifty three now and remarried ten years ago to the love of my life. he has taught my children what a good kind man is like – something they never would have know. i am so grateful. I wish the very same for you. Keep your chin up, Buttercup. You're beautiful!
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